Looks like SF likes to PLAY games more than WATCH them…sucks big time and why me..AGAIN! Damn, damn, damn!&
2. What do you FEEL about me?
Ok, so I meet SF at a place around my area, since the place he suggested happened to be located near where my Ex-Ex works (I tell him this, bc god knows, the one time I head into the East 50’s I’ll run into XX). We get there, order drinks and talk about misc stuff. I hand him a small container of basketball-foil wrapped chocolates that I had found in a store last week, as a cute gift since he had gotten me a jersey a while back. He responds “that’s so nice of you”. Ah huh.
SF had just came back from a charity Golf torny that he had headed the night before, so we were discussing how it went..
HE: “It was a success. You should have come!”
ME: “I would have..but you didn’t invite me.” stupid
HE: “Would you have come?”
ME: “Why not?”
HE: “You don’t have clubs right?”
ME: “No.”
HE: “You could have helped get sponsors! You and the dog in a cute outfit.”
HE: “I hate talking over the phone, its like cancer for me.” I hate this response
ME: “Well, you have to put some effort in this, otherwise I’m gonna assume you’re not interested.” which I’m sensing clearly at this point
HE: “I called you the other day.”
ME: “No. You didn’t.”
Not a good pause here….
ME: “So…what do you think about me?”
HE: “Man, I think you’re phenomenal.”
ME: “Ok, then what do you FEEL about me? I’m not talking about love or something , I mean in general.”
HE: “I think you’re phenomenal.”
Uhm, according to book, this is the WRONG answer..excerpt from the book:
What do you feel about me?
“Once you have the answer to the 4th question, immediately ask the last one on Steve’s list. In most cases, how a man feels about you will be very different from what he thinks of you. He might say ‘How do I feel about you? I feel like when I’m not with you, I ain’t going to make it. I feel like you’re the one for me. Which is what you’re all looking for. The “I think you are ____”, is not going to cut it. [HELLO!! That’s the answer SF gave to me. Freakin’ hell crap.]
If, after you asked the question & probed deeper, you realize his feelings for you do not run that deep – that he’s just not there – then you need to not be there, too. Pump the breaks until you start hearing or feeling from him the things you think are important to hear and feel from a man with whom you’re willing to forge a relationship“
ME: “Your giving me mixed signals bc you’ll have these awesome text convos with me but then you don’t make plans to meet.”
HE: “I made plans to meet today.”
ME: “Yea bc I asked you when you were free. I’m not going to put forth any more effort into this if I’m not sure where I stand here, its been almost 2 months.”
He’s looking at me and it kinda looks like his eyes are tearing up? But I’m not sure… Then he says..
HE: “You know I was looking at your profile the other day. It says ‘maybe’ to having kids.”
ME: “It does?”
HE: “Yes.”
ME: “Well, I don’t now why bc I def do.” one day..
HE: “How many?”
ME: “I don’t know but I def want to.”
I don’t know why he was bringing this up right now. But, remember the convo him & I had on the last date, when I asked him “what was he looking for” and he responded “Mrs. Fanatico”? Well right before he said that, he said he was very picky bc his parents have been married forever and have a great marriage. So now, I’m thinking he’s one of those super picky, looking for the Mrs. Perfection type..like a Martha Stewart type in Louboutins who can run a corp, bake cookies and be love goddess du jour…stupid ass.
Anyways, SF has a meeting early the next morning (which he had mentioned before we met) and he can’t stay much longer…
HE: “You should come back to CT with me.”
Uhm what? So now I’m like a take-home dinner..WTH – again!
ME: “What are you doing Sat?”
HE: “Depends on the weather. but I don’t have any plans yet.”
-few moments of silence-
HE: “I’m thinking of renting out my house and then renting an apt in the city.”
I have no idea where this is coming from but he sounds like he’s full of shit anyway..shocking.! And – he doesn’t try to make plans with me for his ‘free’ Saturday!! HUH! Huh?
I say nothing about this as he grabs the check. As we turn to leave the place, I can see that he hasn’t taken the container of basketball chocolates I gave him – he totally forgets it at the bar– another fucktastic sign! Awesome.
We walk out and before we part I say…
ME: “I’m not going to call you anymore, so you’re gonna have to figure out what you want to do.”
HE: “I know, you shouldn’t. I’m gonna think about stuff on the train ride home and figure it out.”
What the hell-of-all-hells does this mean?? What a GAME player. Man.
ME: “Oh, and make sure you enjoy the chocolates on your ride.”
He finally realizes he forgot them inside and says:
HE: “Oh man, did you grab them?” jerk
ME: “Have a safe trip home.”
Like in a movie, I immediately turn around and walk away. My eyes are totally swelling up with tears!
Who is this guy? Where did this guy from?? This is NOT the same dude I have been dating for almost 2 months!?! It’s like a totally different guy and…I have NO IDEA WHY.
I finally reach my apt and I am super upset. I’m trying to figure out which gf to call to have an emergency cocktail with. I look at my cell and see a txt from SF ‘I can’t get the box of chocolates open, can you help me?’
Then my doorbell rings –
ME: “Who is it?”
HE: “Me.”
I buzz jerkface in…
HE: “I couldn’t get the container open!”
He comes in and I open the container for him – what is this crap he’s pulling?? – he offers me a chocolate and then a kiss (the Lemonade cocktail I had was screwing with my head).
He clearly wants to stay over. I say:
ME: “You should go. You’re lucky you came back, bc you hurt my feelings.”
HE: “I would never want to do that. I’m not that type of guy.” yea right!
He leaves and I’m left feeling totally confused and still hurt bc I don’t get this b.s. game he’s playing. Or played.
But then, I kinda do.
See, if a guy really likes you and is truly interested in you, he wouldn’t act this way…it wouldn’t be this difficult to figure out. It’s not that I’m an idiot. I just really liked him. A lot.
My feelings are hurt. And this sucks. Big time. ;-<
So much to decipher! First of all, it takes years to really know a person, in the beginning it is always trying to be what the other person thinks you want them to be. Romance should just happen, sometimes at first sight, sometimes through friendship, but it should not have to be analyzed. It would be like eating potato chips and comparing each individual chip to the one before it, eating a bag of chips would become an annoying process. It is hard for me to pass judgement on Mr. Fanatico because I don’t know the man, but I do know this, whenever I was into a woman, there was no way that she could scare me away with questions about my intentions or what I thought about her, And I would invite her to every event that came up so that I could say that,”Shes with me”. It sounds like he wants to eat the cookies but doesn’t want to take time to make the batter.(God what dumb analogies)Dating is the worst thing that there is because you have to open yourself up to heartbreak, and there is no getting around it. You sound like a good girl, don’t let men mess up your head!
I think this situation is not something to fret over to quickly. You still haven’t dumped him yet? Perhaps he was going something particularly difficult emotionally before he met and having this situation hit him again made him realize perhaps he wasn’t ready. Or makes me want to gauge the seriousness of the relationship.
I mean, I would be upset too, trust me. But I don’t think you should be too hasty! Hear him out, give him a breather, and figure out whats going on. Sometimes romance does not just click on!
I (obviously) don’t know you- so this may not help at all- at all, but I’m gonna tell you what I tell all my girlfriends that are in your position- something handed down through generations of happily married women
A lady must marry a man who loves her more than she loves him.
It sounds bad- but you are supposed to focus on the positive. Men aren’t as naturally… errr… steadfast as women can be. A man must be positively wildly in love and feel he is lucky and out of his league. This is true in the long lasting relationships I’ve seen. You?
Okay, you aren’t getting married- but the same applies to dating. I hope the situation gets much much better super fast! I have like a boy who couldn’t figure out how amazing I was, and couldn’t treat me like it either- it was the pits.
First, let me just say you guys are so AWESOME for sharing advice, I really needed some!! Thank you tons!
Otin – I usually don’t get this caught up so fast with a guy, but he confused me bc he introduced me to his friends a while back, so I thought we were kind of on the same page. Dating does suck, but I’m still hopeful!
Wile – after that Thursday SF sent me a few texts but didnt call me the whole wknd. Then Yesterday he leaves a vm saying he wanted to chat after thinking thru stuff over the wknd. So we shall she what exactly he was ‘thinking’ about..whatevz!
Jessica – this is great advice. My ex-ex was def more into me than I was to him, so I guess that’s why I stuck around so long – guilt! Thank goodness he cheated – I got out ASAP – ha!
But yes, I will try to focus on the positive – xoxo!