One girl got up and explained to the authors her situation & the exchange went something like this…
Girl in audience: “My ex and I broke up about a yr ago and we are still friends. I see him often and he is like a best friend to me. We talk all the time bc I feel comfortable talking to him about everything. Is it bad that he is still in my life?”
Authors: “Do you still sleep with your Ex?”
Girl in audience: “Yes.”
Authors: “Are you dating anyone currently?”
Girl in audience: “Yea, but I really haven’t found anyone that interesting.”
Authors: “What you are doing is called ‘Snacking‘. It’s the act of keeping/using exes for different reasons, thereby never allowing yourself to really be available for a new guy. In order to be really ready, you need to be ‘hungry‘ enough to be in a new relationship. Cut the ties with your Ex.”
Last year, I made the decision to not only cut out (or try to, anyway) toxic peeps, but also my Exes. And it’s not because I hated them or anything.
I just finally realized that I needed to be free & clear, both emotionally & mentally, in order to be in a good place in my life.
Dependence on Exes, in whatever way, is just unhealthy, especially if you are actively dating.
13 thoughts on “Dating Dilemma: "Snacking" on Your Exes…”
I am more of a cut all ties kinda guy. I think that if you let exes remain, then they may still have feelings for you even though you do not have anything for them. I think that it is best to completely sever.
Hmmmm…I've been known to keep in touch with an ex, but not to that extent. Sometimes it takes me a longer period of time to get someone out of my life. Cut and dry is a bit hard for me, but once I break up, there is no sleeping with them for the reason these ladies mentioned.
I've been guilty of this and it's a bad thing. It's always best to cease and desist and I'm one of those that believe that it can not be possible to be friends with an ex.
Yes love Kirsten's dress – go Monique!
Snacking on the exes is too messy- too emotionally involved and weird..
Asos though, is awesome! Love love love! I ordered a cute dress, see here http://www.obsessivelycompulsed.com/2010/03/in-my-closet-lady-in-red.html – It took about 2 weeks to get here (standard delviery). It fits a bit snug, but if I eat just one carrot a day, I'll be comfortably in it by Friday! Quality is good too!
Ew, I don't like the "snacking" term. It doesn't seem to really get at what's going on — it's so clearly someone trying to start a new "label" fad. Anyway, I certainly agree with clearing one's life of toxic people…or even just people who are preventing you from moving on to bigger and better things.
This is so so so true.
hehe, "snacking" makes me giggle. I always tell my girlfriends that it's bad if they continue hanging out with their exes. They always end up going through more drama!
ASOS is a bit iffy. The sizing is really weird. I order and cross my fingers that stuff fits. My last order, 1 out of 6 things fit (and I'm not a crazy size, I'm a pretty standard 0-2). AND returning to the UK is a bitch and expensive. sigh. I hope it turns out better for you!
Ohhhh yeah. I'm an ex ex-snacker. Haha! As in, I used to do that. Then learned that it's just not fair to either parties involved!
it is so true. With ex's in the picture it is hard to be truly available to the new guy.
I totally snacked on the ex in college which led to us getting back together before graduation which then led to several miserable years. Just say no to snacking!
I've not snacked but I find it amusing that there's a word for this. 😉
Girl, I placed my first order with Asos.com too! What a coinky dink. What'd you get? I got the Paul & Joe Alice in Wonderland tin.
No snacking, no, no, no.
I too made the decision that for me to fully move on I had to leave my ex's behind. So I actually defriended them on facebook. Not bc they were horrible people but seeing their new pics, friends, events, etc kept bringing up old memories. I want to move on and sometimes to do that you gotta be a lil selfish.