Keeping Strong Friendships While in a Relationship…?

Written by on Thursday, March 4th, 2010 with 19 comments

I have a question and thought you dahlings could chime in…cuz ya know I love your input 😉

I have gf who has been a best friend for a few years now. She is awesome – always gives the best advice, is a great listener & a true bright light of positivity.

We used to have a girl’s night out once every 2 weeks, which is pretty amazing since our schedules always seemed to conflict with each other. Convos would be a part of our daily routines & she was the first person I would go to when asking for advice on the current stat of a guy (and of course wardrobe opinions – especially with my Date Night Outfits).

Then, she got into a serious relationship with a guy.

And I am really happy for her. Seriously I am.

But now…we hardly ever talk and our convos usually consist of:

ME: “I never see you!”
HER: “I know – we HAVE to make plans! I hope I’m not one of those girls, LOL!!” (meaning the type that, once in a relationship, disappears off the face of planet BFF)
ME: “Ok, when are you avail, let’s set a date…”
HER: “Well this weekend, bf & I are going to ‘insert romantic place here’ and during the week we have to go to ‘insert some fabulous event’. So how about in 2 weeks?”
ME: “Sounds good! Can’t wait to catch up ;-)”

Those two weeks eventually become 4 and then onto 6 and that just kind of…SUCKS!

I think it’s great that she’s in a wonderful relationship. I just think that friendships shouldn’t have to get killed off bc of it.

What do you dahlings think and have you ever been in a similar situation?


19 Comments on “Keeping Strong Friendships While in a Relationship…?”

  1. It happens when we get into a relationship that is so intense we feel we need to put 100% into it, it's overwhelmong almost. No one can be in two places at the same time. Time jealousy is huge for partners in a new relationship, it takes a lobg time for it to smooth out.


  2. I think that Secretia really gave a near perfect answer. In the past 20 years, I have never had a friend that I hung out with on a daily basis, so it is tough for me to relate.

  3. I absolutely sympathize! I am one of few in my crowd right now who doesn't want kids and is between boyfriends, oh, for going on six years now. Every year, more friends get married and have babies, and those are the friends who don't answer their phones or return phone calls. Our conversations are often ended abruptly with a child crying on the other end of the line. Weekend days that were once leisure days with me and them are now simple lunch dates, if I'm lucky, planned far in advance, as boyfriends and husbands have priority. I am glad I kept my friends when I was married, because the friendships lasted and the marriage did not!

  4. Unfortunately, it's a fact of life. It gets worse when friends begin having kids and you don't. But, if they are worth the friendship, make it work with phone calls, emails and once a month outings.

    I know it's not what you want, but it'll happen to you and your friends will be wanting your time too.

  5. It's sad that it happens….. all.the.time. Unfortunately, I've been guilty of it myself.. and I know, looking back, that's what happened. You just get caught up in "making plans" and doing fun things with the man…. and then it's like you really WANT to spend time with the girls, but your schedule just gets filled. I'd say you have to just set a date… don't let her put it off. If she says 2 weeks, then set an actual date 2 weeks from now. Mehh… stinkin' rotten relationships…. 🙂 I guess that's just my jealousy talking… haha

  6. Yes… 3 of my friends have done this- they get bfs and then re totally MIA. it's sad and I have lost friendships/changed friendships because of this.

    It's tough…

  7. Hey hun! First of all im back to blogging and commenting, yey! 2nd this is a tough situation, friendships do change when there is a guy involoved. Explain to her that u feel this way and u dont want to lose her friendship and set a date and stick to it, if she doesnt then… might have to re-evaluate your friendship. I dont know, do what feels right to u though. xxx

  8. I am in THE exact situation you speak of, girl! I think a lot of us single gals are, and it sucks. I vow never to become that girl, especially because I've been (and am!) on this end of it and it just blows and isn't fair.

    Have you tried talking to her about it? You never know, she may be very receptive to what you have to say.

  9. It's always really intense like that in the beginning. Eventually it will lessen somewhat, and she'll have more time for you. But right now, it is what it is.

  10. I've pretty much had this problem with girls my entire life. I'm not sure if there's anyway to avoid it and personally I think that's messed up of your friend to do.

    (Stop by my place and pick up an award I have for you)

  11. Try to talk to her. I've definately been in this situation before and it SUCKS! Try to make definate plans with her. Like say Sunday brunch. Set a specific time and place and just talk with her about how you feel.

  12. When I got married, this happened a lot. I felt really guilty for it and would even argue about it with my husband. Then I became aware that everyone has different seasons of their life they are going through. RIght now, your friend is building a relationship with a man she man one day marry or not. Right now, you are in the season of your life where you are single and ready to mingle (lol). One day, you'll be in the relationship trying to juggle so much, and this is where friendships are tested, with growth.
    I really really appreciated my friends being supportive but I didn't take them for granted. I would even run errands with them just to see them or even go out for coffee for an hour or two so I can see them.
    I hope that helps! Hang in there!

  13. I never wanted (and try not to be) one of those friends. There are the ebbs and flows in a relationship though and though she may spend a lot of time with him now, that may change when they establish themselves more and she enables herself to have more time with others.
    It is hard though and if you tell her how you feel, hopefully she'll make sure you get your time too (sometimes she may not realize it until you say it!)

  14. Arrgghhhhh I turned into one of those girls now! I will catch up.. i will keep in touch… calling galpals now!!!!

  15. Hopefully things will get back to normal as Wendy said. We all know guys and girls that become totally consumed with their significant others. I like to call it "I Love You Man" syndrome; have you seen the movie? 😉

    I hope she snaps out of it. I have a good gf that's doing the exact thing.

  16. Coming from a male perspective I have to say the same thing happens here – especially if she's a keeper!

    However, I have a philosophy on relationships which is.. DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT lose your identity in your primary relationship. It's what we were initially attracted to in the first place right? Maintain who you which include your friends and then build a new part of yourself with your partner together.

    In other words, it's all about balance 🙂

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