To my New Neighbor across the hall,

Welcome and congrats on moving into the Apt of Love! I see (hear) that you have a dog, which is great bc I have a dog too. Actually, I’m not sure why I think that’s great bc according to the unwritten NYC Apt Living Code, you & I will prob never speak more than 5 words to each other whilst we co-exist in the same building.

Anywho, I must admit that cordial greetings are not the only reason for writing you this letter.

You see, every time you leave your apt in the evenings & wkdns (esp. 6am on Sunday morns) your dog starts to cry. Let me rephrase this – he starts to WAIL UNCONTROLLABLY of what sounds to me cries of desperation and/or abandonment.

This in turn, makes my own Midtown Pups bark loudly as a response.

You see, I don’t mind if your dog (whom I can hear through 3 closed doors) cries bc he misses you, I just can’t deal with the incessant wailing for HOURS on end.

Bc I am a good neighbor, I will offer you some suggestions:

  1. Get another dog to keep the wailing one company;
  2. Take your dog with you when you leave your apt;
  3. Never leave your apt;
  4. Maybe leave the t.v. on?
I don’t know. What I do know is that his cries are more than just loud they make me feel sorry for your dog.

Please do something ASAP or I will have to put the Curse of Singledom on you.

For your reference, this is what it sounds like:

Feel what I’m sayin’???