Single Girl Research: The Soul-Mate Syndrome

Written by on Thursday, August 6th, 2009 with 13 comments
Is there such a thing as a “soul-mate”?

So…I have a wonderful anonymous reader who sends me weekly, what she calls, Midtown Girl “Articles of Interest”. This week’s AOI is titled:

‘Does soul-mate-ism prevent us from finding true love?’

Article: “Building on my family’s unwavering faith in this beshert thingy — my parents met when they were 17 and my grandparents when they were 16 — I assumed that I, too, would be welcomed into the warm, loving arms of this soul mate phenomenon.

I vowed to keep my eyes peeled for my one and only perfect, dream lover — the man who would sweep me off my feet and love me as no one else ever had, my soul mate.”

Remember that episode of SATC, where Miranda & Carrie find Charlotte’s Jewish Cookbook and while looking through it, they see Char has written “Charlotte York Goldenblatt” all over it?

Miranda asks Char, “Has he even proposed to you yet?”. Char responds, “No, but it’s beschert!”

According to Wikipedia, Beshert is “a Yiddish word that means “destiny”. It is often used in the context of one’s divinely foreordained spouse or soul mate, and thus has romantic overtones.”

Once, when I had been dating a Jewish guy, this exact SATC episode happened to be on TBS while him & I were in the midst of a heated text-fight. In an effort to put a fizzle to the abbreviated curses & punctuated faces, I texted:

ME: ‘Look, no matter what, you are my beshert.’

Of course I had googled for the definition before texting it. I was hoping the Jewish guy would be uber-impressed with my Judaic linguistic skill-set.

His response:

HE: ‘Not today. And stop watching Sex & the City.’

Damn those TBS SATC reruns that everyone & their mother has seen already at least 3x!

It’s not that I really thought he was my soul mate, but sometimes when you are dating someone and things seem to be going well (or not terrible, lol), it’s hard not to feel that maybe the current guy you’re dating…just may be the ‘one’.

Know what I mean? Or am I crazy?

Article: “This time I was positive that Jason was “the one.” Jason and I were laying in bed one night and he turned to me clearly panicked and asked, “You seem so sure about us, how do you know it’s meant to be?”

“Beshert,” I said confidently. Two weeks later, he dumped me. OK … screw beshert.

It was around this time that I started to get a hunch that this whole “soul mate” thing may be a bunch of bull. Maybe all that I was “meant to be” was “alone forever.” The thought terrified me, but even with my doubts, I chose to keep the faith that “the one” was coming.”

Before the relationship with my EX-EX ended, our lives were completely intertwined in every way. Almost every decision I made would be after I had asked him for his advice/input/suggestions. Ultimately I made my own decisions, but I always wanted his opinions on my potential choices. I think I mistook my relying on his input as me being connected to him in a soul mate-ish way.

I truly believe that connecting with someone should be -in some way- on all levels: emotional, mental & physical and maybe even spiritual. And I do believe that when you connect with someone who is special (whatever your definition of that is), it can feel as though you have met your ‘soul mate’.

But what happens when you’re with someone, you think this person is your soul mate, then the relationship ends and you’re left wondering…

Is there really such a thing as a soul mate – or in this case, ‘beshert‘?

Kissies & have a wonderful weekend dahlings,

p.s. – I would like to dedicate this post to Anonymous, for her/his continual efforts in shedding the light on the pursuit of love (and the obstacles that can sometimes get in the way of it!) ;->

p.s.s. – I’ll be posting my 1st giveaway next week!! Make sure to enter, lovelies – XOXO!

13 Comments on “Single Girl Research: The Soul-Mate Syndrome”

  1. I love this post!!
    I totally agree that connecting with someone on all levels would be the perfect way to go. If only certain men would look deeper than what's on the surface.

  2. Connecting with someone is the key that unlocks the door to the mystery room of soul matedness. 🙂 No, really, it is! Connecting intellectually and emotionally, and then physically and spiritually (often the latter is an extention of a really good former) just epoxys you to that other person.

  3. The girl in me agrees with you, but the social scientist in me says that attraction is scientific: repeated exposure and perceived similarity. With that criteria, we can believe that anyone is our soul mate! LOL

  4. I don't know if one person can be all things to another.

    I love my hubby, but he doesn't fill every part of my life. Friends and family sometimes make up the parts he may lacking. However, I can't imagine not having him by my side in 30+ years.

    He makes me laugh, believes in me and believes in himself.

    At the end of the day, I want him to cheer me on and respect me. I don't think I want him to be with me when I buy shoes. 🙂

  5. Yes there is such thing as a soulmate! That perfect match that will fulfill your every need physically and emotionally! Unfortunately, the odds of you meeting your soulmate are about a billion to one! MG, I am working on something but won't be around much on Saturday!

  6. I'm going to be the mean ole skeptic here. I don't believe in soulmates. I'm seeking a pattern. Someone to make my life more enjoyable (and if I don't find him I'm perfectly capable of enjoying it on my own). Soulmates are for fairy tales.

  7. I can say that I connected more with the hubs in a few months than I ever did with the ex in almost a decade. I would like to think that it was meant to be with us, but who knows for sure?

  8. I dont know girl…I hope so…???

    I am dying on how he called you out "and stop watching SATC" LOL I would have been doing the same thing as you!

    They say when ya know, ya know…ya know? 🙂

  9. I am not sure I believe in soul mate anymore… maybe one day my views will change. Interesting and well written!

  10. I think we should all stop watching SATC. It's making us crazy. Currently, I've been thinking who my "Big" is and someone who might be more of an "Aiden". Now, I don't have an actual relationship with either, currently. Just potential, initial dating stuff. me = crazy.
    Love the post 🙂

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