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To Call or Not to Call ~ First?

7 Mar, 2009 | Dating Dilemmas

So, CB & are done. Like burnt toast done. I will totally explain in my next post, but for now since I am back in the online dating sess-pool, *ahem*, I mean pool, I thought it would be good to share an article I found on ‘online dating etiquette’.

I’ve had a few matches send me lengthy emails which concluded with them giving me their contact #. I’m always unsure of what do when I get their number, so I usually just respond back with an email telling them “thanks for the email, blah, blah…and you can reach me {insert my digits here}.” Why not just call them first? Uhm, I don’t know…I just feel like a guy should call the girl – I guess???

But I thought to myself, would it be soo crazy to just call them after they sent me their number already instead of just sending them another pointless email? Hmm, what to do? So I took a second out of my sched to google “online Internet dating etiquette” and this is what came up…online dating tips. I don’t necessarily agree with parts of it, in fact some of it seems a bit old school. But what about the “Ask him when is a good time to call” paragraph, which is basically what I am inquiring about…

Makes Sense?…Yay or Nay

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Ex-Mess :-(

2 Mar, 2009 | Ex-Factor

So EX texted me again all day yesterday and proceeded to wonder why I wasn’t responding. He then left me a weeping vm detailing why it was so vicious of me to not even be friends with him as if I am the bad guy here.

As I was checking my vm, I get a call. I look, its EX. Ugh. I attempt to hit ignore, but in my irritated state, I end up hitting accept. Damn! -

HE: “How come you’re ignoring me?”

ME: “Oh god, what do you want?”

HE: “Why are you being so mean to me?”

ME: “Because I don’t want to talk to you ok. Please stop calling/texting/everything ok.”

HE: “Well, I guess you can’t talk to me anymore bc you found your knight in shining armour.”

My what? And I WISH!

ME: “I don’t know what you’re talking about and I really don’t want to talk to you. Not right now and not in general.”

EX starts to cry…OMG why am I going through this – still?

ME: “Why are you crying?”

HE: “Bc you are being so mean to me and I just want to be friends with you, that’s all. You’ve changed so much and it hurts alot. I really loved and still love you. I feel bad about everything that happened in the past and it’s not fair that I have to punished for the rest of my life for one mistake.” (cheating)

ME: “We’ve had this convo a million times. It wasn’t just one mistake, it was a year of utter hell and look, I don’t think about it anymore and neither should you. Really, you have got to stop this, it’s getting old. I don’t hate you but this is really upsetting me.”

HE: “Why can’t we be friends though? I feel so all alone and I lost all of my friends when we were together bc I focused on you the whole time.”

WHATEVER you say.

ME: “Oh please stop the bullshit, its so tiring. I tried to be friends with you and you kept bugging me about working things out, when I told you sooo many times I had no interest. So it’s your fault that we can’t be friends.” does that ever work anyway?

HE: “I’m sorry. I don’t have any alternative motives this time, I just don’t want you to completely ignore me. You mean a lot to me and if you can just respond to my texts once in a while then I will be fine.”

EX is not crying anymore but has that shaky-voice thingy as if he is ready to break out the water works again.

ME: “If you want to say hi, then fine, but if you start any nonsense about working things out and/or giving you second chances, then you are cut off completely. I mean it, do not talk to me about anything relationship-oriented. I am saying this to you bc you were nice to my mother when she got sick and even sent her flowers. It meant alot to her and I appreciate that. But I mean it, I have no interest in ever working things out with you. So please respect that.”

HE: “I will and I just want to be able to talk to you sometimes. Thanks.”

I absolutely get soo freaked out when guys cry. It confuses me and almost makes me even more angry, but then I end up feeling like an evil-hearted witch. Guys -unless there’s an illness or family stuff – please, do not cry. Ever.

Have any of you had a past (or present) guy, cry?

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Giveaway ;-)

26 Feb, 2009 | Uncategorized

Fabulous Megs at Newbie New Yorker has a giveaway for a Flip & Tumble reusable grocery tote! Check out her blog for more info on it

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Current Stat – Remember CB the Cheapie? Take two – what to do…

23 Feb, 2009 | Character Breakdowns

Sheesh. So this is the deal. After that last night with CB, I decided I didn’t want to see him again, remember? Following that eve, CB had either texted or called me every day that week. The calls I ignored, but I did listen to his vm’s (which basically said to call him back when I was free). Then, towards the end of the week, while at my mom’s house, I get a text saying ‘are you ignoring me or something?’. I say to her “doesn’t this guy get the hint already?”, to which she begins to ask me what was going on with CB…

-Keep in mind, I normally do not discuss guys with mom, bc she is on this “it’s time you were with someone already” kick (she even said one day “just find any guy, don’t be so picky” – YUP!), so I really didn’t need her pressuring me about getting a bf/fiance/husband or whatever it is that would make her happy…but I happened to speak about CB to her previously bc I had thought he had potential (of which I do not feel very often).-

MOM: “So what is going on with CB?”

So, I go ahead and tell her about that last time CB & I went out. Of course I replace the scotch part with food…no need for mom to think I’m an alchie, right! ;-}

MOM: “Honestly, that’s not really a big deal. I mean not every guy is going to be perfect and there’s always going to be some issue with everyone, and this is not a big one. Plus he obviously is very interested in you if he has been calling you everyday even after you haven’t responded.”

ME: “Yea but cheap guys are such turn off for me and it’s one of my pet peeves for anyone.”

MOM: “Maybe he really didn’t have enough cash on him. I don’t think it’s a make or break issue. It’s not that serious and if it really bothers you, just talk to him about it.”

-So now I’m thinking maybe she has a point and since he’s been pro-actively contacting me, I guess I can at least tell him how I feel about what happened…instead of pretending everything is okay – wait am I acting like an adult here? Get out!-

Strangely enough, as soon as my mom tells me this, guess who calls me? Yup, interesting timing CB.

ME: “How funny, he’s calling me right now.”

MOM: “Pick it up. Just talk to him, everything will be fine, watch.”

I reluctantly pick up his call…

ME: “Hello.”

HE: “Hi! Wow, you finally picked up.”

ME: “Yea, things have been hectic the last few days.”

HE: “Well, when are you coming back into the city? I really want to see you!”

Ahh…what to do here…

ME: “I’ll be back Friday eve, so I can call you when I get back in, ok?”

HE: “Perfect, talk to you then.”

It’s now Friday eve and I’m finally settled in my apt. I have a glass of chenin blanc and call up my gf (totally aware that CB is waiting for me to call him at any moment). I chat with gf for a while and one glass turns into 2 then 3…and I feel good. And a bit forthright.

So I go ahead and give CB a call -

HE: “Hey!”

ME: “Hi, How are you?”

HE: “Pretty good, what are you up to?”

ME: “Nothing much really just got back so I’m just relaxing.” (aka drinking, lol)

HE: “Do you feel like meeting up tonight? Would be great to see you.”

ME: “Well I have to get up early in the morning, so tonight may not be a good night.”

HE: “Ok, so let me know when, because I want to see you okay. You’re bit of an enigma to me, I’m not sure what to make of it.”

ME: “What do you mean?”

HE: “Well, it’s not often I’m interested in someone and when I met you it was surprising bc not only are you attractive, but you’re very intelligent and understand my profession bc of your background. So, I can talk to you about things and you’ll get it.

ME: “Thanks. Well, actually to be honest, something has been bothering me and I want to talk about it.” (here I go..)

HE: “What is it?”

ME: “I thought it was rude that you had asked me to pay part of the bill last time we hung out especially after you just described to me the apt you were getting. What was the deal with that?” (Ah, finally said it)

HE: “I didn’t know it still bothered you. I’ll give you back the $20 next time I see you .”

HELLO that is not the point.

ME: “It’s not about the money CB, it’s the fact that as a gentleman you shouldn’t have asked me, especially since I came up to see you and we haven’t even gone out to dinner or anything yet. I mean you must be just terrible at dating or something because if you expect to go out with a NYC chick, then you need to brush up on your dating etiquette.” OUCH!

HE: “Honestly, I didn’t do it purposely. Before I left my apt, I just grabbed a $100 bill from my desk and I figured that would be enough since we were just having a few drinks at the pub around the corner from me.”

ME: “Well, I just felt weird about it.”

HE: “You are totally right, I was wrong to do that and I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you feel anyway. I’m sorry.”

Dammit – I wasn’t finished venting yet

ME: “I guess. So, what to do now?”

HE: “Whatever you want, it’s up to you. We can make new plans okay. How about Tuesday for dinner?”

ME: “I think that could work.”

Ugh, I caved in…I mean he did apologize and even though I was ranting over the phone, he kept up a calm & soft-spoken demeanor, so I felt like I was ranting and just couldn’t stay irritated. But at least I said how I felt, so I do feel better about being honest. I just have to work on my confrontational skills I guess…

Am I making any sense or just being irrational?

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Date Outfit #5: Valentine’s Day Garb

16 Feb, 2009 | Midtown Chic

Yay for Valentine’s Day…okay so it was a few days ago, but I still have the flowers VG gave to me so I figured, why not post my V-Day outfit since I had a really sweet time that eve

P.S. – I really need to stop being lazy and use my digital camera instead of the one on my cell phone…sorry!

Black Corset Dress by Laundry Christian Louboutin ‘Mini Bout’ Platform Pumps

Jenna Bracelet, Citrine Stone Cluster ring, Chanel drop ‘CC’ earrings, Judith Ripka Heart Enhancer Necklace

Kors by Michael Kors Cape Coat

And one of my absolute faves…

Chanel Classic Lambskin Handbag in Deep Pink

Last but not least…

VG was a sweetie and brought me these…

Dinner was fab at Cafe Boulud (2nd time there & just as good as the 1st).

Had a wonderful V-Day with a truly sweet guy – thank you VG!!

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V-Day Guy, in for a Night…

11 Feb, 2009 | Holidays in NYC, MG Life

Interesting.

A week before that last night out with CB, my protective female psyche had kicked in when CB had asked me what I would be doing on Valentine’s Day. I told him I had made plans ahead of time with my single gf’s to go out. Which isn’t really untrue, bc they are going out, I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to go out in general.

See, I wasn’t sure where CB & I would be dating-wise on V-Day and just in case, I didn’t want to commit to plans with someone I may not want to have plans with – instincts are a saving grace!

So my plans for Sat were still in limbo, when, out of no where V.G. (Valentine’s Day Guy) gives me a call. V.G. is a guy I had went out with quite some time ago and hadn’t spoken to since. It’s not that he wasn’t nice/attractive/intelligent, etc., there just wasn’t any real connection. Which is fine. But now he’s calling me to ask if I have plans on V-Day (which I really don’t) and if we can go out for dinner.

He’s a good person (I think so anyway) but I have no interest in pursuing any type of relationship whatsoever with him…but it was sweet for him to ask me out for Sat right?? And clearly he doesn’t have anyone in his life he’s interested in going out with, so would it be so terrible if I said yes???

Your thoughts darlings?

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C.B. is a Cheapie ;-(

9 Feb, 2009 | Character Breakdowns

Ugh. I’ve come to the conclusion that it just must be me that is attracting the wrong type of guys…why else would I be going through nonsense like this?

After getting my hair done (love it P!) I met up w. my fab gf for dinner at this Japanese place near me and tried shabu-shabu for the first time (so freakin’ delish!). Throughout the eve, CB & I had been texting back and forth to figure out a time to meet after my dinner, for drinks. Let’s keep in mind that CB & I (mostly bc of my sched and one time bc he was sick) actually never made it to dinner since we have met, which is fine – not a prob for me.

Since it’s Sunday eve and getting a bit late, CB texts me to meet in his neighborhood at this quaint English pub. Fine, works for me. I get to the pub, see CB sitting at the bar, and we exchange hellos. He tells me how amazing my hair looks (yay!) and we start talking about our weekends.

Somewhere in the conversation, the topic turned to politics, which I love to discuss (who wouldn’t, esp now?) -

HE: “I totally know who you voted for.”

ME: “Why bc I’m a female and I don’t work in Finance, you would assume I voted for Obama I suppose?”

HE: “Yup.”

ME: “That’s pretty ignorant on your part, sir.”

HE: “Well am I right?”

ME: “Doesn’t matter, you already made an assumption.”

HE: “Do you even know how long he was a senator for?

Are you f***ing testing me? Are trying to make me feel stupid or something?

ME: “Actually no, I don’t remember.”

HE: “2 & 1/2 years.”

ME: “Ok, do you know who was just elected the chairman of the Republican National Committee?”

HE: “No.”

ME: “Michael Steele. If you’re trying to make a girl interested you, try not to test her factually. It’s not very gentlemanly-like and honestly, its just not an attractive trait in a person.”

Douche.

At this point I’m irritated but I’m on my 2nd Macallen on the rocks and it’s calming me down.

HE: “Relax, don’t get all testy.”

ME: “Uhm, sure whatever you say.” (jerkface)

So he realizes he screwed up and is now on best behaviour, giving me compliments, saying nice things and I’m no longer focused on the convo politico. We continue to chat about other things and both of us are on our 4th or 5th(?) drink – not drunk but flirty and actually having a good time. CB has been looking for a new apt and had been looking at places all day. He pulls out his blackberry and asks me if I want to see the floor plan of the place he plans to rent.

The apt is located in Midtown, on 5th Ave and is a 2000 sq. ft. duplex. “Wow”, I respond. “How much is the rent?”. “A lot” he says, not really wanting to tell me, as if it’s classified info. Who cares. Apparently he can afford an amazing place like that so kudos to him.

Now it’s getting late, and we both have to wake up early for work, so CB asks for the check. The bartender hands it to him, CB opens it up and displays it on the table (instead of just opening & closing it, you know how a gentleman usually does it?). I look at the bill – it’s $112.00.

Okay, so that’s not crazy cheap, but I mean we never even went out to dinner and he did invite me for drinks and I had to come up to his area and why am I going on about this? Here’s why –

HE: “Wow, can’t believe it’s this much, I don’t have enough cash on me, do you have a $20?”

Whaaaaaaaaat? Don’t you have a credit card or something? I feel so disgusted right now.

ME: “Ah, yea sure.”

I hand him the $20 and as we head out I share my inner thoughts (plus I’m a little tipsy, so I’m not readily shy about my feelings right now)

ME: “I cant believe you asked me for $20?!”

HE: “Whats the big deal? I mean the bill was so much bc you ordered all those Macallens, what do you expect.”

OMG this is just getting worse. It’s not the actual $20 that is bothering me, it’s that he was acting like Mr. Hot Shot with the apt and all and how about every night when he would call me and tell me about the fab restaurant he was just coming back from – with his buddies??!!

ME: “I don’t understand how you can’t afford a bar tab when you just showed me your next apt, that is prob a small fortune?”

HE: “Well, yea I also have to save up for the apt.”

HUH???????? WTF?

I say “I have to go” and start walking away from him. He tries to stop me and tells me that “I’m overreacting”. Dude, you are an I-Banker, make 80x what I do, getting this TDF apt, and YOU asked ME out. WTH? I ignore his requests and walk halfway down to my block before hailing a cab (for a mere 4 block cab ride, but my YSL’s were killing me)

I immediately delete his number from my cell. I tell my trusted gf Eva what happened, and with verbal perfection call hims “loseriffic“. Which he is, thank you.

Next morning I get a text from CB: ‘Hey. You were not really mad right? Just drunk? Because that would be obnoxious and trivial otherwise and I don’t really think that’s you.’

In an effort to not seem jaded, I text back a few hours later – ‘Yea, too many Macallens’. He responds with, ‘Yea, bc you’re tiny, you prob couldn’t handle it.’

Oh, I can handle it juuust fine, buddy.

He calls me right after his last text and I tell him I have to call him back bc Im in the middle of work, of which I had no intention of doing. He texts me later in the eve, prob bc I never called, asking what I am doing. I respond with ‘out with friends’.

I’m actually home, I just don’t want to talk to him. Ever. Again.

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