Friend-iquette: To Pay or Not To Pay?

Written by on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010 with 11 comments



A few nights ago, in an epi of Real Housewives of NYC, Bethanny & ‘the Countess’ were catching up – a.k.a arguing – in a Hampton’s resty.

Apparently, LuAnn was upset about this one particular time when Bethanny told Ramona that she “had to pay for LuAnn” while out on the beach (partaking in some water activity), to which B had invited LuAnn.

According to LuAnn’s rules of etiquette, since Bethanny had “invited” her, it was Bethanny’s responsibility to pay.

B then responded, ‘So everytime I invite you, I have to pay?” To which statement, LuAnn pretty much affirmed.

Are u effing kidding me? That’s b.s.

I spoke to a gf (whose hometown is L.A.) about this, bc I have never heard of such practice –

ME: “Did you see RHONYC?”

SHE: “No. I hate those bitches.”

ME: “LOL. Anywho, LuAnn said that if you are invited by a friend to dinner/cocktails/event, the friend who extends the invitation is the one who is responsible for paying.”

SHE: “Is LuAnn from L.A.?”

ME: “The hell if I know. Why?”

SHE: “Bc that’s common practice in Lalaland. Drives me nutz.”


I love my gf’s but if I had to pay everytime we went out… I prob wouldn’t make plans as often as I do (which I mostly do, since I love spending time with my chickies).

Dahlings – what are your opinions on this???


11 Comments on “Friend-iquette: To Pay or Not To Pay?”

  1. My friends and I do not practice this. Every once in a while someone will pick up the bill, but to expect the inviter to pay for every outing seems a bit ridiculous.
    What I also think is ridiculous is these women complaining about that when they’re supposed to have so much money. If I was in a “balling” position I wouldn’t have a problem paying for my friends more often. It’s interesting that you brought up the regional differences on this issue because on the Girlfriends, Joan often pays for her friends (reluctantly, lol) but they are in LA….hmm. Interesting.

  2. My friends and I don’t practise this and I agree with completely. Once in a while one of us will offer to pay which is nice, but I think its better if we all go dutch. Hope u are having a lovely wk! Xx

  3. Absolutely NOT! I can see if it’s a special occasion, and you specifically state “my treat” when you extend the invitation; but true friends don’t expect anyone to foot the bill. You pay your own way, otherwise it seems like a “mooching” situation. :/

  4. Someone should offer to shouldn’t just be assumed that they will. Meg and I pay for each other when we get together all the time, but it’s because we offer to not because it’s our duty to. That’s my two cents. : )

  5. That is WEIRD. My friends and I offer sometimes, but if not we pay for ourselves like the adults we are! That Luann. She’s a piece of work.

  6. This is very European. Since traveling Europe and hearing so many times, “Well, I invited you so I’m paying- that’s just what we do” and I’ve often been questioned by Europeans why Americans are always splitting the check, who invited should pay. Since then, when I invite, I pay.

  7. Nah, when I invite friends out everyone’s assuming they’ll pay for themselves. Sure, we may buy each others rounds or shots (this was pre-baby days 🙂 but no one would expect one person to get whole check!

  8. I guess that it would depend on who I invited to lunch. If it were a dating situation, I would expect to pay. If it were lunch with a buddy, I would expect him to pay for his own lunch.

  9. Uhhh, not! Each woman for her own unless it’s a special celebration like a birthday. Otherwise, that whole “you invited me” stuff is just B.S.

  10. Ok so you know I must comment on this! I feel the only time you should pay for a friend is if they have informed you that they are having money problems and you ask them to come along anyway. Maybe in that situation.

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