So….a few weeks ago, after chatting back & forth with an online match for a while, we decided to make plans to meet IRL for cocktails at a lovely bar/resty on 61st & Lexington.

Said gent was a few years older than me, worked in data forensics (still have no idea WTF that is exactly) and lived in CT.

Phone convo went fine, except that eve he was dog-sitting for a friend and the dog was barking incessantly…

HE: “Sorry, this dog is acting up.”

ME: “He sounds really upset. What type of dog is it? He sounds enormous from the bark.”

HE: “A Chihuahua.”


Anywho, we met at resty the next eve and things seemed to go fine. He actually looked liked his pic (attractive) and convo was moving along quite seamlessly.  Then, as I ordered a delish prosecco & grapefruit cocktail, convo turned to dogs…

HE: “You said you have a dog right?”

ME: “Yes, a Pom and she is a darling.”

HE: “Do you have a pic?” (I showed him one of Midtown Pups on my bb)

ME: “Do you have one of the Chihuahua? (He shows me around 5 pics of said dog on his iPhone) Wow. You really like this dog!”

HE: “Yea, it’s my neighbor’s. She travels a lot.”


ME: “Oh ok.  Just curious, is this an Ex or just a neighbor?

HE: “Not an Ex, but you know…”

OH. ICK. This was the beginning of the end, but on the way to closing credits, jerkface happened to throw in some tidbits of info.

Some highlights for you dahlings and reasons why the date didn’t last long enough to garner a full Character Breakdown post:

  • His use of the word “Gel-met” as in Gel Helmet, to describe an over coiffed hair-do, particular found on those who live across the Hudson.
  • While describing some of his dating preferences, “I don’t usually date women my age bc they are, well, kinda…infertile. Right?”
  • On his exes, “My last 2 ex’s were psychos. Like really psycho.”
  • About his last date, “The last date I went on, I think the girl was high off of Zanax. She fainted on the floor. I didn’t help her up.”
  • Regarding the resty ambiance, “The music in here sounds like an 80’s nightmare.” (they were playing a Madonna song)
  • Describing his Korean subordinate at work and why he has trouble being a team player, “I have to promote projects myself. You know how Asians are, right? Kind of quiet and submissive.”

Date. Ovah.