Sooooooo, this week I have been pretty sicky-poo considering everyone & their mother have been passing around a flu-like condition. Speaking of mothers! Ahh, so mine & my step-dad came by last night to take me to a Gaelic Vocal performance held at Radio City Music Hall. I wasn’t feeling up to going, but upon further consideration of the show, I decided to toughen up and attend.
So my mom & step-dad decide to stop by my apt. first before the show, to heat up some chicken soup for little ole me. As mom is heating up the soup, she comments on how she’s nervous bc my apt is ‘so small’ and my lack of cookware…
Mom: “Where are all the pots & pans?” as she stares at my lone saucer dish.
Me: “Ahh, you’re looking at it mom.”
Mom: “But this is the dish I gave to you last year. You don’t have anything else?”
Me: “Negative.”
She shoots me a concerned glance and goes to back to stirring the inadequately-portioned soup in my tiny pot.
Mom: “You only live in the city because you’re lazy. You should have a house by now.”
Whaaaat? Did she really go there?
Me: “So I’m supposed to have a house by myself?”
Mom: “No, you should have a house, husband & child, but you’re too lazy.”
OMG. Oh my god. I tried sooooo hard to keep a positive aura the whole time, for fear of the dreaded “random negative criticism” my mother has so gotten accustomed to projecting ever since my break-up with my ex. Plus – I was sick! She’s supposed to make me feel BETTER not worse. Damn it.
Instead of my usual screamy backlash, I was pretty sick, so just spouted a sarcastic ‘thanks’ and went into my living ‘space’ to eat my soup. I glanced over to my step dad (who heard the whole convo) while my mom was in the kitchen and told him I wouldn’t be up for going to the performance. He sympathetically nodded.
Mom sits down eats quietly, prob unsure if I am upset or something. Step-dad asks for directions to RCMH, so I get up to look for directions online. While I’m doing this, mom proceeds to stomp on the ground in an effort-I guess?-to get my dog’s attention.
Me: “Mom don’t do that I live above my Super.”
Mom: “I’m just trying to get the dog’s attention.”
Me: “Well your basically stomping on my Super’s head so just stop.”
Mom: “What, is he going to do kick you out.”
Me: “No, I mean you know how LAZY I am right, god knows if that happened!”
Mom: “Oh stop, don’t take everything I say to heart.”
OF COURSE I WILL HELLO. That’s mean and hurtful and as I am thinking about it more, my eyes well up and I start to cry!! I then proceed to boot my mom out of my apt.
Me: “Mom, you need to leave right now.”
Mom: “Oh stop, are you mad I said you were lazy? I was joking.”
Me: “Please, there’s no way I am going to spend an hour and a half with you at a concert after what you said.”
My step dad proceeds to leave (poor guy, he did nothing wrong, but who wants to be in the middle of a mom-daughter spat?).
My mom gets her stuff together and leaves.
Ok, so you may think I over-reacted. I didn’t and here’s why I say this…my mom is an amazing woman, she really is and has done a lot for me over the years. But this is not about how much I love her. Its about respect. I do not expect her to say anything positive about being single and living alone in the city and not being a doctor or whatever else she wished I would have been. I DO expect her not to say anything negative, especially while in MY apartment. Is this too much to ask?
My whole night is ruined and I go to bed upset. The next day mom calls me like 5 times and I ignore every call. I’m still upset. She didn’t even apologize! Then I listen to her voicemail and finally she says she’s sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me and that she loves me so much, blah blah blah.
Fine, I’m not upset anymore after hearing her apology but I will say I am having second thoughts about spending Thanksgiving at her house! We’ll see how I’ll feel then…